Take the money and run? I don’t think so.

Something’s been bugging me all afternoon. Earlier today, while checking out my Facebook, I found a reply to a post on the wall of a “de-churched” friend. The post was in the “I’m spiritual but not religious” vein, and didn’t really bother me too much. What really got under my skin though, was a comment that said “Keep away from the church, all they want is your money.”

Really? REALLY?

So, to respond to the accusation that all churches just “want your money”, I would like to clarify what most churches do with “all that money”. Although there are some glaring examples to the contrary, most churches understand the money they have been given by their members as a sacred trust and to be used to further the mission of the church, a mission to care for others. I began by thinking about all the ways that my tiny little church uses “all that money”. In the past 3 months, we have:

* Provided and served lunch to over 150 inner city residents.
* Packed 70 bags containing socks, mitts, toiletries, and blankets to be distributed to the homeless for Christmas.
* Packed and sent 50 shoeboxes to Third World Countries.
* Supported an individual who is working on a project to raise awareness of poverty in Canada.
* Distributed more than 100 hampers of food to the poor.
* Supported a family during a drawn out death of a family member by assisting with round the clock care.
* Supported a family after the sudden death of a loved one.
* Held funeral services for both of the above, including providing the funeral lunch (at no cost).
* Provided meeting space at minimal cost to 3 self help groups.

As the only paid member at the church, I am keenly aware that my salary is the largest line item on the budget. Yes, I am paid a reasonable wage, but in comparison for others with similar levels of education, my salary would be considered low.

But more to the point, what do members of the church get for their money? First of all, they have 24 hour a day, 7 day a week emergency support for all manner of things. In the past 3 months I have spent untold hours meeting with people (including those who are not members of the church) giving them a uncritical, caring and listening ear as they have dealt with some very serious issues; issues such as addiction, sexual orientation, life threatening health issues, marital problems, employment issues, job loss, and grief. I sit on a number of community boards, organize events to educate and mobilize people to address community issues such as domestic violence and homelessness. And of course, I spend a great deal of time praying with and for the members of my church (and others who come seeking help–often those who have nowhere else to turn) and helping them develop their own spirituality.

I don’t know what the commenter means by being spiritual, but I would assume that it has something to do with a relationship to the Divine. Most religious systems provide a structure so that this relationship to the Divine can be expressed through activities that are focused on making the world a better place. Members of churches are simply people who are religiously spiritual, people who understand that a spirituality that does not result in serving others is self-indulgent and not a true spirituality at all.

Yes, institutional religion does require a financial commitment from its members. Ad yes, we are almost always struggling to keep the budget balanced which often results in requests for more money, but that money isn’t spent to support the institution, it is spent to make it possible to carry our our mission to the world. I wonder how much those who call themselves “spiritual but not religious” give of their time and finances in the way that members of religious congregations do?

Just wondering….

What about the young ‘uns?…a bit of a rant.

There was a short posting over at RevGals a few days (weeks?) ago that I’ve been mulling over. The posting spoke about how the next generation of church members (30-40′s) are not interested in getting involved in church governance. Some of the reasons listed included timing of meetings (during the day) and certainly were valid, but it got me to thinking….

Might it be that the reason that these members aren’t interested is because of their much touted “distrust of institutions”? I’ve been spending time with some union folks lately and I certainly hear the same concerns from them that we are voicing in the church. I know that I’d love to have more of our 30-40 year olds involved on our Vestry…and I know the Vestry would be delighted to have them join in, but when they are asked, their automatic response is “No, I don’t think so.” They don’t even give us a chance to be dismissive of their ideas, or to tell them “Oh, yes, we tried that before and it didn’t work.” They don’t even give us a chance to say, “We’ll work around your schedule as best we can.” Our attempts to involve these valuable members of our congregation are met with dismissal.

When I speak with the union leaders I know, or the community organizations I hear much the same story. It seems that our younger members could care less about the important work of keeping our organizations going. And yes, I know that maybe they don’t think that our institutions are valuable and important…but so far I haven’t heard them come up with any alternatives. Who, I ask you, will do some of the important work that our civic institutions do…who will speak out on behalf of the ordinary working folk, who will push back against unjust public policy, who will collect the food for the food bank, provide volunteer sandwich makers for the homeless, and all the other things that churches and other service organizations do?

And yes, I know these young parents are busy, but I was busy too when I was their age, I know what it is to juggle kids, daycare, skating lessons, 4-H, a full time job, (actually 2, I was a ranchers wife), but I also found time to sit on several community and church boards. I know what it was to have older members look at me with “that look” and ignore my ideas. I remember the frustration of being told “that’ll never work here”, but I kept on and eventually some of my ideas DID get listened to and tried, and in the meantime I learned a lot about politics and how to “make friends and influence people.”

If we old folks have indeed but barriers in the way of the next generation becoming involved, then please tell us, but if it is simply a matter that they distrust institutions and the present governing structure, please GET OVER IT. We need you to be a part of making change. We know that what we have doesn’t always work as it should, and we’re open to making things better. But we can’t do it without your input. Just sayin’

Intentionality???

On my pre-ordination retreat, our retreat leader was quite consistent about telling us that the life of an ordained person was a life of intentionality. “Oh, yes” I thought, ‘just what I need.” As a strong J on the Myers-Briggs scale, I’ve lived most of my life attempting to “get organized”, and never quite feeling as though I’ve managed to achieve the goal. I don’t know what I thought would happen the following Sunday night as the Bishop laid hands on me and prayed, but alas, there wasn’t any magic, and I still find myself struggling with intentionality. So, what do I attempt to be intentional about? Here’s my list (not in order of priority)

1) Keeping myself organized; this means to keep an up to date daytimer, to check it regularly, to spend time early in the week looking over my week, checking my To Do list and making any arrangements and adjustments necessary so that I don’t find myself in the wrong place t the wrong time. Success? I’d give myself a B+ on this.

2) Prayer: Although I’m pretty good at observing the practice of Morning Prayer, Evening Prayer and/or Compline is more of a struggle. Although I long for them, times of contemplative or meditative prayer are even more of a struggle (possibly because of #1). I’d give myself a C on this one though.

3) Eating and Exercising: I’m trying really hard on this one, and doing quite well with the exercising (at least recently), I’ve discovered Aquasize and love it. I have some friends to go with and they will encourage me, even when I don’t feel like it. The eating heathy thing is more difficult. I’m having to relearn what it is to be single (my daughter is in the process of moving away from home), and I often find myself grazing for a meal rather than actually taking time to cook a nutritious and tasty meal. Rating C+

4) House and yard work. I’m pretty good about this. I hate clutter and if I lose motivation, I simply turn on “Hoarders” and usually half way through the episode I find myself up and cleaning. Rating A

5) Family: I find that with only 1 day off and being caregiver for my Father, I have to schedule in time to connect with family. Often my day off is spent taking Dad to appointments, etc, and it can be exhausting. The older I get the more aware I am about the need to be more intentional about making sure that I do spend time with my children and grandchildren. It is hard though, between my schedule and their schedules. I’m looking forward to the days when they are involved in things and then I can just hang out watching them at their activities. Rating C.

This Sunday is, as they say, complicated. Not only is it the Sunday after All Saints (which we didn’t celebrate last Sunday because it was the kick off to our annual Stewardship Campaign) but it is also the Sunday before Remembrance Day. I also want to keep the focus on Stewardship in front of the congregation. As I said, it’s complicated.

But I think that there is a way to weave this all together by exploring the idea that we are stewards of not only the faith of our forebearers, but also that we have been entrusted with the care and upkeep of the heritage of our faith and the heritage of a place to worship.

I have come to love the worship space here, partly because of the light. Along the south side of the church there are a serious of incredibly beautiful stained glass windows. Each of these windows is flanked by gold tinted sidelights so when the sun shines through them, the whole of the worship space is infused with light. The yellow sidelights and the rich colors of the stained glass change the light in such a way that the blond oak woodwork almost seems to glow. As well the church is filled with that particular atmosphere of peace and serenity that comes from being filled with over 60 years of prayer and praise, laughter, tears, joy and sorrow. It is a place where people truly do experience the presence of the Holy. It is a sacred space. Often people come and want to look at the church and when I bring them into the sanctuary, they literally catch their breath.

But whose building is this anyhow? How do we be true to and honor and respect the hard work and sacrifice that our ancestors in the faith have made in crafting this beautiful place? In considering “the communion of saints”, this “great cloud of witnesses” that are cheering us on, what would they ask of us? Is this place simply a place where we come and soak up sanctity, or is it a place that we hold in trust for those who have come before as well as those who come after….who are those who came before, who are those who will come after…

The theme of Remembrance Day is “Lest we forget”. What are we in danger of forgetting….are we like the foolish virgins letting out lamps burn out because we have failed to bring enough oil to keep them burning? Will the bridegroom find us sleeping when he arrives?

Moving Day #10

Yesterday, I moved my father for the 10th time in 6 years. A number of years ago I recognized the pool of sadness that lies within him. It has revealed itself in a number of ways, but often through discontent with where he is. No matter where he is or what the circumstances he always is looking over the hill to see if the grass is greener…and of course, it is; at least in his mind. The move yesterday, (to another floor in the same complex) was the first time that he has been ambivalent about a move.

By the time I got to his place, he had already phoned me a number of times and I could tell by the messages he left that he was very confused and anxious. When I arrived and met with the administrators to do the paperwork, I was told that he had been sitting on the floor in his new empty suite, unsure of what to do. My first sight of him was when he came off the elevator, disheveled, unshaven and poorly dressed shuffling behind his walker that he had loaded with a pile of towels.

The shock of seeing him like this left me numb.

My father is an old-school gentleman, always very concerned with his appearance, always in control, always perfectly dressed and groomed, not this wild haired, wild eyed confused old man. I spent the rest of the morning trying to settle him down and make it better. I wanted to at least give him a comfortable place to sit in the new suite, but the job of trying to get him to sit and wait for me as I moved his chair and footstool, reminded me of the days when I was mother to toddlers.

He spent the rest of the day in his chair in his new suite, forlorn and confused as all the activity of the move swirled around him. So very, very sad…watching this man who had always been so perfectly in control of his life, a caregiver to two chronically ill wives and my grandparents, an executive, a charming and competent man, reduced to the position of a helpless child.

As I write this I am grieving the man he was and struggling to come to terms with the child he is becoming. Good night Daddy, I will miss you so much.

Scattered! Friday Five

The Bonus question: The first thing that came into my mind was, I sure hope I can get the link for this posted properly on the RevGals blog!!!

1. I chronically lose my glasses. Even after nearly a lifetime of wearing glasses, they are the first thing I remove whenever I get home, or into my office, or where ever I can do without them. Occasionally I even forget I’ve pushed them onto my head.

2. My daughter came home last night after seeing Ides of March and was raving about it (which she seldom does). I also watched the trailer for the Elmo movie and it was so heartwarming and smile making that I think that is number two on my list.

3. Comfort food of choice is chips and dip with a tall cold glass of Pepsi. Second choice is an A&W Teenburger combo with onion rings and root beer. I’m just a fat and salty kind of gal.

4. Story time. Tell us a story of one your favorite people that has touched, blessed your life. Only ONE??? I’ve been blessed by so many, but at the top of my list is my friend Gail. We’ve been friends forever (since we were 13 and 14) and she’s always been there for each other, through thick and thin, marriages, divorces, children, parental illness, graduations, ordinations and all the rest. She is one of those friends who you can go to see and even though it might have been months or even years since we’ve been together, we carry on right where we left off.

5. To focus myself, I turn to my lists. I am a compulsive list maker, if I’ve got my list, and my daytimer, I feel pretty well in control of my life and they keep me centred and calm. I use iCal and a free app “Paperless” on my iPhone and between the two of them I am pretty well organized. Having said all that, I must say, I’m not compulsively driven by the lists. I’m always ready to move something to another day if something more interesting comes up, but the lists do help me feel focused and somewhat centred.

Recently, I’ve become aware of how Sunday calms and centres me; the weekly discipline of preparing for Sunday worship, gives my life a wonderful rhythm as I move through the seasons of the liturgical year. I have a pattern for preparation that I follow fairly closely (its on the list) and I find that the hour or so I spend each day preparing for Sunday has become a touchstone of my life, it is the stillpoint around which everything else seems to revolve.

Now, off to see if this will link….

BONUS: Share the first thing (or second thing) that comes to your mind after your read this!

Seeking for hidden things

Over at RevGals, Sandy posted about how the idea of seeking reminds her of the game of hide and seek. In that attitude of playfulness, here are the things that seem to have gotten hidden somewhere that I am looking for.

1. A night of interrupted sleep.
2. A day off that doesn’t involve running errands, taking anyone to appointments, or fielding church phone calls.
3. A week that unfolds the way I have envisioned it in my daytimer.
4. the woman who used to stare back at me from my bathroom mirror rather than the stranger who is there now.
5. more moments to reflect and give thanks for the joy of right now.